Purpose Wellbeing

Stepping Up: How to Stand up for Others

Have you seen someone being harassed online or in-person? Standing up for someone can be scary. Read this challenge to learn what to do to stand up for someone who is on the receiving end of bad behavior.

The Challenge

All of us have encountered a bully. Whether it was on the playground as a child, in the workplace, online, or confined to encounters with that difficult relative we only see once a year, we all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of bad behavior by someone being disrespectful. And today’s political climate seems to have made online conversations especially vulnerable to being taken over by people posting disrespectful comments. Emotions are running high, misinformation abounds, and people say things out of anger before thinking about the effect their words can have. Standing up for what is right can be hard, but it is necessary to show people that bad behavior or mean comments are unacceptable. Read this challenge to learn what to do to stand up for someone who is on the receiving end of disrespectful or bullying behavior.

Pause. Take a deep breath and focus on what you can do. Rude people and bullies want to affect the target of their actions emotionally – they want to make them feel fearful or embarrassed. It is important not to let emotions overpower your reaction. By staying in control of your emotions, you will be better prepared to stand up to confrontation, and you also deny the bully from getting the kind of negative reaction they’re seeking. Pausing before acting also helps you plan what you are going to say in response.

Speak out. Refusing to go along with disrespectful behavior may not be enough. By speaking out against the offensive words/actions, you not only show you’re against the abusive behavior, but also let the victim know they are not alone. Use language like, “that is not okay” or “this kind of behavior/speech is unkind.” If speaking out in person, speak confidently, calmly, and with a clear voice. 

Use neutral language. Because the offender is trying to get an emotional reaction from their comments, neutral statements will bore them and make them realize they aren’t going to get the reaction they’re seeking. Responding with phrases such as, “That’s your opinion,” or “[the bully’s target] is not going to feel bad because of you” stops the intended disagreement or negative interaction from escalating.

Provide support. Let the person being targeted know they can count on you for support. Encourage others to join you in standing up for this person, whether it’s other coworkers, friends, or family members, depending on the situation. If bad behavior is occurring online, respond by posting positive comments about the victim; this can also help shift the conversation in a positive direction. Remind the person the bad behavior they experienced was unacceptable and not their fault.